It isn’t as easy as it looks…(Do I actually make it look particularly easy?)

This week is rolling along already and we're only into day 2!

Yesterday, I sat down at the office computer and developed two new doublet patterns as well as refined more breeches patterns. 

Breeches from Freyle’s cutting manual, 1588

I'm particularly keen on finishing up the Burguen Doublet pattern since it has associated Videos which could really use a pattern for people to follow.

Burguen’s Doublet from his Cutting Manual, 1618

By putting my attention on the Burguen Doublet pattern next, I am also kind of forcing myself to finish the re-write of TMM vol. 1. 

As much as it seems to the outside world that writing (or re-writing in this case) a book like it might be an easy task for me, it really is not. It was supposed to be done last year and then the pandemic hit. Then I thought for sure I would be able to finish it while we were in lockdown because I would have the time, but after so many friends had died and then the riots, I ended up focused on lace content instead because every time I tried to sit down and write the darn book, I just stared at the computer screen and couldn't get anything out. 

Lace work involves a level of meditative repetition that allows my mind to wander and ponder and come to terms with things like loss, fear, and survivor's guilt. Writing books requires a singular focus of what is on the page and what you're about to add to it and if my mind is distracted by too many emotions or anxiety, then nothing flows. 

I'm working on it. 

There are writing exercises that one can do which help to create a flow when you need it. But then, finding time for that amid all of the pattern development, communication, testing, zoom lounges etc. -- it can be hard to justify when so many other things need my attention. 

While this kind of writer's block doesn't stop my work (I am productive no matter what), it does end up accumulating some demoralizing energies over time...like my inner voice saying something like "YOU KNOW THIS STUFF SO WELL, WHY THE HECK CAN'T YOU JUST GET IT DONE, MATHEW??" Although in my head, it is laced with much more profanity. 

I don't like to admit that I have bad days at work, but I do. Self-employed or not, they happen and it can be worse when you know that you're the one running the show and if there is a bad day, it is probably your own fault. 

When people want your book that you haven't finished yet and they ask about it, the internal dialogue is not particularly good. All you feel is a sense of inadequacy for not be able to just GET IT DONE ALREADY. And each time it is asked, the sense of failure and shame grows. 

I am SO excited that people want the book...I know I need to get it done...I just isn't as easy it seems.

I will get there, and soon. In the meantime, I hope everyone is taking advantage of the discount codes and picking up copies of the patterns as they are released.

Please remember that the discount code only works once per customer and that you need to use a computer, not a device, to download properly. 

The download links are only valid for 24 hours and then square space shuts them off (I have no control over this aspect of the process).

As always, 

Happy Stitching!